& one day, I will wear all gray;

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 12:33:17 GMT

I bear grudges,
I think I'm a better bitch than you.

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 13:30:14 GMT

; ever again,

J, long gonee.
Pretty Boy, I MISS YOU!
You'll never know how I feel again/

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 02:28:59 GMT

"Memories betray us" when Reality changes our hearts,

It's gonna be hard to pull through the 5 more weeks of attachments. For the past 4 weeks, I am sure most of us are already in a relaxed mode and now we got to switch back to fast pace. I felt weird when I was in the ward yesterday. It suddenly became my most familiar yet unknown work place. Everyone is back as a group, the more I'll feel weird. Helloo, people over there, I don't wanna get bullied. Some even got pissed off because of the position changed. Work is TOUGH, it's hard to pull through even one's mind set is so positive.

Honeymoon period is over, I'm starting to let go. Getting used to the time when you're not with me, always. Trusting everything you do for a reason. Love getting stronger? I ain't as bold as anyone out there but this is what you taught me to be. Being positive about things everyday, I swear it's hard. Sometimes, I even doubt the capability of myself. I can no longer hang in there anymore. No longger.

; pieces

Thu, 22 Oct 2009 12:50:45 GMT

Review my wishes, for fair weather.

I'm feeling crap now, like really. You're telling the cause of your reaction to be this wayy is me. It makes me don't know how to reflect on myself. It makes me feel as if I am not being good the past months or year. I just don't want an outsider to tell you what to do. You think, our relation an outider to handle, sounds wrong? To you maybe alright, but not me. I'm lost, somehow. I know I am at fault as well, but I really don't like it now. To bring me back, it's up to you.
Bitch, I still hate you. Take if you want, I won't stop you.

xoxo,

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 03:12:23 GMT

; tip my drink, make me forget everything ,

I don't care if you're gonna bastard me again or not, I freaking don't. I won't ask you stay neither will I ask you to look for another. Time will tell everything, I don't have to say anymore. You know it and still ... I won't say. Decisions are up to you. Your actions make the say. I screw the other up, I doubt she'll dare to face up as well. So, prettyboy, all I can is know what you're doing and do what you want. Your friends, your life, I don't want to leave you no breathing space.
Sweetie, take care as well. I hope you fail in every exams you have. I don't see any good in you., MF. This is to you as well, you'll be the one that regret whatever you're doing. Come one day, see me knocking at your freaking door and rip your pussy apart. Son of a delusional bitch.

; listen to your heart, we should be apart ,

Fri, 16 Oct 2009 03:00:44 GMT

; strange romances ,

BUDDY! This is for you. :D
I swear I'm TTM happy for you. [: Like ZOMG, FINALLY, yo! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
AAHAHAAHHAH, xoxo, last longg. [:

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 13:39:22 GMT

And they tell me I have mistaken the blue skies for someone else.
But I am learning a whole new world because I need a boyfriend, don't waste me.

; pretty boy, I'm referring to you, NB. Leave if you want to luh, zai jian, YOU!

Tue, 13 Oct 2009 10:02:00 GMT

When I see their boyf would come to pick them up, I wish I had as well,
the road back, isn't too short, but long enough for me to cry my way back.

; edited

I don't know what to do now. ):
Care plan almost done, research done and I'm only left reading up. ): Gosh, I wear attachements really suck this term cos most of the fridays are AFTERNOON! ): And bloody hell, B's like away, away, away! Haven't been seeing like so looooooooooooooooooong alreadyyyyyyyy luh! Sleepless nights without you, please. ): This is so crazy, I swear. I'm tired but I can't get to sleep and damnit, I'm MORNING tomorrow! ):
HEY THERE, PRETTY BOY, I NEED YOU HERE LIKE BESIDE ME NOW, YO! See me now, please. I'm like scratchig my head all over thinking of you, pretty boyy. OH MY GOSH! I so miss the holidays, please. I'm not doing anything productive and I hate the sound of being alone. ): Hun, please come back.

xoxo ,

Wed, 30 Sep 2009 13:10:37 GMT

Cathay The Cathay Cineplex
Handy Road
Showtimes: 2:10PM 4:35PM 7:00PM 9:25PM

Cathay Orchard
Cineleisure
4bia 2 List all
Showtimes: 11:30am 2:15pm 4:40pm 7:05pm 9:35pm

GV VivoCity (Sub: English, Chinese)

01-10-2009

1:15PM 4:00PM 6:45PM 9:30PM

GV Plaza (Sub: English, Chinese)

01-10-2009

1:35PM 4:20PM 7:05PM 9:00PM 9:50PM

GV Grand (Sub: English, Chinese)

01-10-2009

11:25AM 2:00PM 7:05PM 9:50PM

GV Tiong Bahru (Sub: English, Chinese)

01-10-2009

1:15PM 4:00PM 6:45PM 9:30PM

Tue, 29 Sep 2009 16:52:18 GMT

Who are you? To love me?
; before we met ,
don't kill yourself yet /

I'm back. [:

17.09.2009-20.09.2009
Genting Trip with B's family was freaking two thumbs up TTM! :D
Swear, it's the first and the best trip to malaysia. (: Thanks to B's dad the trip was GREAT! I have this super random picture of wei yong dancing with my hoodie on. -.- and Best still, the three of us had a picture of xi, nu, ai, le. Superb funny, please. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee. [:
Reach there around 4am, ate noodles and all of them when to the casino leaving B and I at the lobby. B said I had different sleeping patterns. From sitting to lying down. AHAHAHA! :D
Following day, went to the theme parks and up and down we gooooooooo. [: I should say ang moh country theme parks are more exciting. Ohh wells, I still enjoyed it freaking much. [: And they smuggled me in for a M18 show. [: One that B wanted to watch but I couldn't -- Final Destination. [:
Last day, went to KL, JB and S'pore. (:
Roadside food are wayyyy nicer than up in genting. Cheap and good, that's the BEST! :D Went to time square and saw the indoor roller coaster and I seems wayy more excting than in genting ehh. I wanna go back there to play and chilax, yo. [:

22.09.2009-28.09.2009
Happy 4th Month, Hun. :D
First day was already so tiring, please. Got to wake up at 5am just to catch the flight and around 7-8am. Worst still, flight was delayed. Waited for an hour or so, transit at HK and off to beijing. Reached there around evening. Had dinner and off to sight seeing around those streets where had food stalls. Dinner was crap, please.
Second day, morning call at 6am! Freaking crazy. Woke up late and went for breakfast after afterwhich. And off to sight seeing the whole day.
Lunch and dinner was the same, please. And all I did was eat and sleep in the coach. Not else but eat and sleep.
Third day, same routine. Breakfast lunch and dinner was the same. I think the travel company think we are pigs and fed us with the same food everyday. Comes evenig, I pucked cos I couldn't take it anymore. There's are many family that went. Familes from super rude and crooked to famlies that don't communicate at all to familes that are freaking stinchgy who doesn't pay tips at all. It's a huge comparison and eye opening for me. I don't want to end up to be like any of those with B, please. Freaking scary. Walked into various boutiques and got B a wallet. I hope it suits thou. [:
-
-
Fifth to seventh day, arrived in HK and started shopping from there. I didn't quite get anything. Bought bags and some small items for my sister and some medicine and moon cakes for granny. Mum and I sure prefer to shop in s'pore than HK. Next year, we'll be going to hawaii or NZ. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! :D

B's away for camp. ): It's like 2 G.damnit week since we last saw each other. ): Like *TOOT*!
Please, came back soon, I swear! Misses.
Night, hun.
xoxo, G's

STARCH ; STAINED

Mon, 14 Sep 2009 15:45:35 GMT

Exist Me ;

Hello Cheap Bitch,
I guess you'll be seeing this cos you got the link. (:
Thanks to you, I'm in mess. Mess like even worst then mee goreng. I really don't know what you're up to, but you're the one that took away my freaking shit, CB. Sure you're gonna say, I'm not tight enough, letting it go, leaving everything, etcc. CB, you SCREWED everything up. Please, upgrade yourself becasue you look disgusting in your display picture. Ohh wells, your personality/character sucks too. So now, I'm telling you my order. I WANT A TAKE AWAY, please. TAKE AWAY, all the fuck you want. Screw me and I'll screw you back, or you will be dealing with the wrath of me. I bet you're happy that you've digged out of your hole to say that behind my back. Stop being a delusional adult and stuff. I NEED A TAKE AWAY, QUICK. You're delaying my order, miss.
& mind you, I'm NOT angry, more of dissapointed ;

; Real

Sat, 20 Jun 2009 11:03:59 GMT

& how I wish, we are more than just this ;

I'm having mix feelings after seeing those texts. Like I really don't know what to do that kind. Had a quiet talk with B yesterday. Told her how I felt and guess what, she feels the same either. I don't know how to say this but it seem kinda weird. What if you're sharing her with someone else yet the other party wouldn't dare tell her and yet you could see the affection? This kinda feeling, is fuck. All I know now is that I'm MIXED! I don't feel how I used to feel a year ago.

Race is tomorrow. Yet on the other hand, I feel I ain't good as a pacer. My strokes, my twisting, my everything. It just doesn't seem right. Why when you have a comment about me, yet you won't say it to me. Then why even comment that we should just tell each other our mistakes on boat during traning instead after training? Am I suppose to change the next training or during training? Or am I just too hard to communicate because you detest me? I don't know? My comment, won't count in all of you. Be it good or bad, I won't stand out. WHY?!
No offence, but I just feel that way.

Sat, 13 Jun 2009 05:12:00 GMT

It’s been a while since the two of us talked.
About a week since the day that you walked.
Knowing things would never be the same.
With your empty heart and mine full of pain.

Sun, 17 May 2009 05:13:31 GMT

The wind's banging against my window, causing it to shake.
And guess what, my window's locked in
So imagine the strength of the wet cold air outside;

This week's going to pass in no time. A few more hours and we are done with it. I know it's been a harsh week for you. I just hope you'll be who you are again. Be it if you fell hard and stand strong again,I am here. Not going anywhere but to pick you up again. I doubt, I am that someone who will trust, believe and jump to conclusion but I know you will stand strong on your own again. When time comes, you won't need/have to teach, I will experience it myself. Good, Bad, I don't know?

Sometimes, I was just thinking. I've got my karma, when is your turn? Trust you that you did so much (good, bad), right under my eye, gossiping, bitching, whining, having fun, yet you have not suffered. Watch your back, JA. I've heard enough about them, wayy enough to make my conclusions right about them. Maybe, whatever they are doing, they do it for a motive? You're making me think that way now. This one, I've regretted most. Having to know them, having to leave that memory behind. Try harder to irritate me, or just speak bad in front of me, I won't show a face, give an attitude. I'll just turn away, giving you a smile, which maybe will irritate more but I don't fuck care! I just need you to say it infront of me again and I will say it back to you twice as hard in a harsher tone. Gossip about me, I'll bitch about you. Bitch me. _|_

Is it so important to get to the top? So that they will be fond of you? It sound so wrong, please.
Friend, know your limits in whatever you're doing. As long as you feel it, did it to your fullest best, I sure you will be more happy than those who are seeing it. I know I might one of those that you'll hear me out but trust me, I'll be right there to see what going on. I believe whatever I see. ♥

I'm sorry to say this. See it or not. You were once I'm afraid to talk to yet trusted so much. Now, whatever you're doing makes me think twice about you. After covering so much for us, making them hated you so much, having them to leave and today, is this the outcome you wanted after so long? Is this the kind of people you've mold to become? Unlock those questions I've been thinking. I feel like giving up now. Facing you, will never be a fear now. I'll just speak my mind if I don't see anything right.

For you, I'm anything.
I hope you'll be fine;

Thu, 30 Apr 2009 02:34:36 GMT

I wish I remembered something happy;

Maybe the light through my blinds. With only the sounds of planes passing. And the fucked up fan. And you. There. Here.
I feel sore/worst about what happened during training, right from the point I was asked back to stadium. All I did was sat and thought about the year, seeing me from bad to worst. I don't know how to keep that constant mindset of being so posittive and telling myself, I can do it. Sometimes, I doubt my ability. During weights, thanks to those that told me I could do it. I feel weaker and weaker each day. I can't push, what I used to anymore. What's going on, Gina. Is it, not coming training for a week and this is the outcome I am having? Do I need those constant reminders from others including myself. Be it if I did my best or not, I'm afraid that I will disapoint all/myself. I don't count myself one of the best in the team, I know I am not. Being constant and pushing trainings to the max is what I wanna achieve now. Even if it brings me to the last point of my breath, JDI till I drop.

This, I will remember.

Fri, 24 Apr 2009 01:51:47 GMT

I want this Sony Cybershot T900. (:
So gonna get it when bucks start coming in and defininately at cheaper price. (:
<3!

Tue, 21 Apr 2009 11:55:33 GMT

I shall stop here now, before I get any deeper and start to regret,
I am satisfied with what/how we are now,
I'd rather be blissfully ignorant ;

This I'd say, no matter how much I wanna say something or express something, there would be some giving me that expression like as if I am like a creature speaking. Maybe it's how one thinks but I don't know, it can't be possible if almost everyone is putting a makeup infront of you. I don't think I can go any further. No matter what I say, no matter what I do, it's like useless. Some may just think like they are talking to the air.

Attachments for the past one week. I wanna turn back time a little like a few hours to complete what I need to do. Be it in the ward, at home, trainings, break times, I just wanna complete what I've missed. I'm already regretting it. Second week of morning shifts are KILLERS. I think I've worked five mornings straight and quite get along well with staff and her. GA, I really miss your lectures in school, thou it's always naggy but I miss it. Jean aka STARWARS, I MISS YOU LIKE CHAO ALOT, please. See you around in the wards. (: Just want to end the school term and get out of everthing in the quickest time. I regretted to know most of the things on my own, not learning things on my own but ... just say I am the BITCHEST me.

I'm gonna the pillows as soon as I finish posting.
Hun, it's just gonna me and no else. SIX JUNE' 09. ♥

Hello again, PMS. (:
I'm gonna be ignorant to whatever you're saying or doing now. Be it you did it purposely or whatsoever. But this I what I wanna say, I'll do what I feel/should be doing. You could continue bitching about me. I'd care lesser to the day I shut myself from you. Even the slightest thing, being myself, I even got to be suspected by others. I'll just speak when necessary, beyond that, I am me. Having a relationship with myself is the best [not referring to TJL]. I don't twist and turn stories up on my own but having you to believe whatever I say it's hard. Friend, I won't get to see you anymore maybe for the rest of my life but see this, you're putting on too much make up that I couldn't see you anymore even your closest friends won't see your flaws because maybe you're the one that is twisting whatever you've said making me the scapegoat. You know yourself best. I don't wanna judge. Somehow, I feel like there's a camera watching my footsteps like as if I told a lie and I'll be sentence to a death end.

Sun, 19 Apr 2009 12:47:18 GMT

WEI YONG! :D
see this man! I swear I LOVE RUNNING ON THE SPOT!
IT HELPS TTM. And and, I won't say I won't eat anymore but a little every meal. (:
This, I promise. Won't go back to my words. :D

Sat, 18 Apr 2009 14:40:57 GMT

Down with gastric. I hate this.
I'm sorry, I didn't go for training.

Sun, 12 Apr 2009 10:44:36 GMT

I'm fine,
But, sometimes, being alone, just hit me so hard;

Sun, 29 Mar 2009 12:41:15 GMT

I'm praying that everything goes well ;
please?

Thu, 26 Mar 2009 14:12:13 GMT

; juncture in my thoughts

I wanna loose those fats. I feel that I'm too fat already but I don't eat much and I still feel the fats in me. SADDENING!
I guess I'm gonna just fruits everyday or keep track of the calories intake. (:
I hope b won't kill me for that. /:

Tue, 24 Mar 2009 14:41:12 GMT

I EYECANDY AUDREY WONG! :D
*inside joke*

WONG! Please see this, I swear!

Sun, 22 Mar 2009 13:17:36 GMT

Empty playgrounds haunted with past year's resignations

~~Recently, I've been thinking about you.~~

~~Last night, I thought about you again. It's been a while.~~
I thought, through this time, I've learnt how to deal.
But last night, I found out that I still miss you.

~~And there's many things I've yet to learn about growing up.~~

I had been in a dilemma for the past few days. I don't know how feel anymore. That feeling or that expression I just couldn't express it. I don't know how to put it to words. I don't know how to express it. Sometimes, I swear I'm on the verge the in slitting that wrist. I feel like an asshole sometimes, please. I have learnt, to speak when nesscesary and to do what I dim fit. Having to think what others feel, putting myself in their shoes, it's really difficult. Yes, I don't deny I have an attitude problem, BIG TIME. Stop and think, who doesn't? Am I that sensitve towards you? Am I thinking too much? It's like every parrt of me is in a big mess. A big mess I can't get through it. Even doing the best of everything to my fullest, there will be a part that you will pick scolding to me. Feel how I feel, I don't wanna talk back. I'll just listen and shut my G.damn mouth. I'm lunatic. I'm tired of carrying on any longer.

Sometimes I really feel I don't know you well enough. Maybe it's me. Even the slightest thing about you, will affect alot. I could just break down and cry when you're not with me. I miss you so much. Since yesterday, I feel something weird. Like you're keeping that distance away. Even the way you speak or react. Like you could be way happier without. I'm sensitive, say it. I know I shouldn't be thinking about all this but bring us back to where we last stopped, please. It hurts alot, like it piercing through my veins. Rough patch. ♥

Sun, 04 Jan 2009 12:12:47 GMT

JeanLMH says I look like some STARWARS CHARACTER if I have BANGS.
):